anticipation

so we are still waiting for final words from everyone. we think a million good things are going to happen, but none of them are confirmed. we vacillate from being amazed at how all this good could happen and preparing ourselves for the tremendous let down that will follow bad news. bad news also means we have to figure out how to get her into a good foster care system (read: not dc) and that is horrible too.

the major cliff hanger is will this family, who is very interested in caring for paulette, decide it is the right thing to do. i could, and have, pointed out many reasons it will be hard. they seem to feel strongly, so all arrows point to yes, but still ... we are waiting.

then there is the "will the church pay for westridge" question. westridge is vital to what making any tranistion for paulette into a family successful. without it we would really be setting the family and paulette up for failure. paulette needs some help and getting it for her now will minimize tough teen years. also, it will provide the family with the opportunity to get to know paulette better via family therapy. therapy will also give them some skills to help paulette. but it is a sizable amount of money and the Church has already invested heavily in this kid. will they keep doing it? our stake president is convinced enough that it is a good idea, but ... we are waiting.

anticipation! part of me doesn't want the anticipation to end because if it does and it the news is bad i have to deal with bad reality. and good make believe is sometimes better than bad reality. but then it also feels like i am just prolonging the pain and i like to rip band-aids off fast.

then again, if the news is good, i want to CELEBRATE good times come on! and i think i will feel like a hero if this really works out. because if the best case scenario happens it is really really really really miraculous and crazy and just thinking about it gives me chills all over.

so fingers and toes and legs are crossed. prayers are more meaningful. and anticipation is keeping me waiting.