happy endings and new beginings

after many fits and starts the final punctuation can be added to the raisingdc story.

last friday, sheila and paul (paulette and jennifer's biological parents) signed papers to allow dave and debbie and bobbie and mark to adopt the girls (paulette and jennifer, respectively). this is a miracle of the first magnitude; both sets of new parents have wanted to make their custody of the girls permanent for quite some time, and the biological parents have been resistant even though they know they are not in a position to take care of the girls, and in fact, haven't been for quite some time. after much legal consultation both d/d and m/b decided that the best approach would for them to come out together, meet the biologicals in a united front, and show them their willingness to provide permanence and stability for the girls.

neither kimberly nor i were with the parents when they visited sheila and paul, but we got a readout from dave, who was, as you can imagine, ecstatic. the conversation with sheila lasted about two hours, with her sisters (both high functioning women) and social worker present to be sure sheila understood what she was doing. she was adamantly opposed at the start, refusing even to look at the families when they arrived. however, in time, her heart softened as she realized that she was unable to care for the girls in the way that they needed. when she agreed to sign the papers, she told both families she felt like it was the right thing to do.

after one stressful visit (and dealing with sheila is always stressful) the families drove over to paul's nursing home. there, they met him for the first time and spoke with him about their intentions and what they were offering the girls. again, he was resistant initially. the families brought in a social worker, who could help to ensure that paul understood what he would be signing. within 45 minutes, he had agreed to sign the paper. once signed, he burst in to tears and hugged both families. he wheeled himself out with them to say good-bye, waving and blowing them kisses until they had left the parking lot.

we are amazed at the transformation of paul and sheila. kimberly and i have both felt for some time that what the girls have needed--and what every child deserves--is permanence, safety, and stability. it is a miracle that the way has been cleared for both girls to finally get what they have long deserved.

so, from here, d/d and m/b will go back to arizona and proceed with adoption proceedings. this process will take several months. in the meantime, paulette remains at westridge where she participates in weekly family and individual therapy and, among other things, plays on the volleyball team. (word on the street is that she has a mean serve). jennifer continues to thrive in az. she started junior high this fall (6th grade is part of the middle school there) and, fortunately, finally changed her gmail status message to "i love chris brown" instead of "i love christ brown" which i suspect raised more than a few eyebrows.

as for kimberly and i, this essentially means the end of all our legal responsibilities for the girls (which continued until last week). it has been an unbelievable year and a half. life-changing, as cliche as it sounds, would not be an inappropriate way to describe it. we are both eager to begin a new chapter of our lives--a feeling we have a sneaking suspicion that the rest of the raising dc's cast: dave, debbie, bobbie, mark, and most of all paulette and jennifer may just share.

collecting trash for KIPP

as you know raisingdc loves KIPP!!! so we have signed up, and hope you will to, to collect yogurt containers and soda bottles and ship them to terracycle. terracycle will give $.o5/soda bottle and $.05 or $.02 for yogurt containers depending on the size of the containers. when you sign up, just choose KIPP DC. just think if the colonial ward decided to do this, how much waste would be saved and how much cash could start flowing into this awesome school.

Program Statistics: 269 spots available 31 total participating locations This program is only available in CT, DC, DE, MA, MD, ME, NC, NH, NJ, NY, OH, PA, RI, VA, VT and WV

the bottle brigade is hurting:

The Bottle Brigade Needs Your Help to Survive!

The Bottle Brigade™ needs a sponsor and we need your help in finding one! The Bottle Brigade has been hugely successful. So successful, in fact, that our small start up company can barely support the costs and labor needs associated with running the program. Recently the Bottle Brigade reached an amazing 4,000 locations in a little less than a year and a half! We never imagined it would become so popular, so fast. We were doing really well until a change in shipping policies caused by rising gas prices and shipping companies switching to dimensional weight this year. The shipping of our boxes has tripled in cost and because of this we are forced to scale back.

The Bottle Brigade is designed to help teach children about the importance of saving the environment and conserving resources. More then half of our locations are primary schools and teaching these young kids to "reduce, reuse and rethink" is a vital mission of our program. However we simply cannot continue to grow this great program without financial support. With a sponsor we can continue to sign up locations. Sponsorship would help us clear out our waiting list of hundreds of locations. It could also help us to develop an entire recycling and reusing curriculum to send to participating schools!

So we need your help to save this program and allow it to reach its full potential! Here are just a few of the benefits of a sponsorship. The sponsor's name and logo will be on every one of the 10,000 plus boxes we send. The boxes are usually located in high traffic areas. In addition, the sponsor would be credited in every press release that it single-handedly helped save the Bottle Brigade program. This year to date TerraCycle has been mentioned in hundreds of articles (Audited Bureau of Circulation of over 66 million impressions). Most importantly a sponsor will know it's helping America's children save their future. If you are interested in the sponsorship or know someone who would be interested, please review our proposal and press release in the following links.

Word document detailing the sponsorship opportunity
(please be patient, this is a large file)

Sponsorship Press Release

a plea from bobbie

Dear friends,
We are having to take another trip to Washington,DC in October to convince the birth parents of our soon-to-be daughter to voluntarily sign papers.YIKES!! The great thing is that her birth sisters adoptive parents are going with us for the same thing. Some of you might remember Jason that used to be in our ward--he will be Jenn's birth sister's new big brother. Which will be awesome that both girls get to grow up in LDS homes 20 minutes from each other when they came from across the country! Anyway,what I am asking for is HUGE!! I need prayers that it will be as simple as us going to DC and them signing the papers. Pray that they will see that this is the best way to show love for their daughters. Some of you don't know the back story,but for those of you that do,you know this is what needs to happen. So please,pray with us.
Also,if anybody knows the cheapest way to fly across the country on 3 weeks notice---I'm open for suggestions! We have to get 4 people over there. Both of our families have already put out SO much money trying to make this happen. Especially for Jenn's sister's new family because they have had to travel back and forth several times between here and Utah (where she has been staying for complicated reasons) for the past year to bond with her. Not to mention adoption costs. So,if there's any brilliant ideas that could help us out,please let me know. I've already tried cheap tickets,etc but I'm looking for some deep airline secret that only few people know about,if such a thing is possible.Or if anybody is friends with somebody that owns their own plane,that would be cool too !! :)
But,of course,the prayers are the most important thing!
Thank you so much,Bobbie

more pics from the trip to Disneyland

Alaina and Jenn on the water rapids ride

Trying to wake Jennifer on the last day, they were all this easy to wake up !!

Disneyland

For a moment,we were tempted to leave them in there!

sweet children :)

Isn't she a cutie?!

We spent 5 days at Disneyland with 8 children! Yes,we were as tired as you can imagine. But we had a blast.I will let Jen give her comments with a few of mine added in.....My favorite ride is space mountain it is really dark and super fast. My least favorite ride is the hollywood tower of terror it was really scary(so she chickened out) My favorite food was the chicken fingers they were fantastic and good. I met this guy on a bus and when we got off and went on some rides he was going on the rides we were going on. There were twelve people in our group and boy was it a lot. It was hard for my mom and dad to keep track of eight kids(including our friends daughter) in a big place like Disneyland. My foster sister named Anna got lost (for about 30 seconds) luckily my dad found her and my mom was freaked out, she was so worried i would be too if i was her.

That's the end of Jen's comments so I'll fill you in on the rest of the trip.The drive there was uneventful.It took 7 hours and at our lunch stop,we were told that our children were very well behaved and had sweet manners.Which of course we took pride in and prayed it would continue! We did the normal rides,shopping,eating,blah,blah,blah...on the few hot days we left a little early to go swimming at the hotel.

Our hotel was very cool.It was a 2 bedroom family suite.In the 2nd room were bunkbeds,a sofa bed and a seperate TV with video games.And of course 2 bathrooms which really helped with showers! One day at the hotel,our 3 year old was getting impatient and turned to my husband and said "You're goin' down,tubby",which everybody thought was hilarious.Jen had to do her hysterical witch laugh.

One thing that really helped save time and avoid grouchy children was the wheelchair.I have bad hips so we got a wheelchair each day to save on all the walking. The best part of that was that the wheelchair got us straight to the front of all the ride lines! The kids thought that was pretty awesome.

On our last day we went to the character breakfast at the Disneyland Grand Hotel.The whole time we were eating, lots of different characters would come by,play with the kids,sign autographs and take pics.The kids had a blast and the food was wonderful. Of course,one of our great sons tried to pick the nose of one of the characters,stuck his finger right up the nostril! Sad to say,it was the oldest son who will be 10 on Monday.

The kids had fun shopping too. They each had their own money and got to buy whatever they wanted.They all used up their money pretty quickly--except for Jennifer.She was trying to be practical.Everything she picked out,she said"what can I use this for,is it worth the money,can I get it cheaper in another store?"I had to force her to spend her money.I would have just left her alone but it was a Disney gift card and she HAD to spend it there.

The ride home was a little more exciting. One of the kids got carsick (yeah!!) and they were all SO tired,they were either sleeping or fighting. And because of our poor planning we got back into town during evening rush hour and had to sit through the fun traffic.
It took a week for the adults to recover from the trip,but the kids were awesome and everybody had fun.

Now they are wanting to go back this summer and spend time at the beach(we didn't have time while we were there) and visit family that Jen hasn't met yet.They can't wait to meet her!! There's grandparents,an aunt,an uncle and some cousins.We'll post stuff from that trip (if we have the guts to make it so soon after this one!)

a letter from paulette from westridge

this really made my day. i think it made lindsay's too. it came out of the blue. which made an extra delight. we got home to a fun letter from paulette. she wrote one to us, one to our ward (congregation), and one to amanda (her new sister). so we thought we would post the letter to the ward here.

if anyone would like to write her, please do. i know she would love to hear from you. you can send it to us at raisingdc@gmail.com and we will make sure she gets your letters.

and now, without further ado, from paulette (grammatical errors included, for effect):

Dear Capitol Hill Ward,

Hello! and how are you? I really miss being in Washington D.C. going to church. Everything at Westrdige is ok. I guess I'm talking to Jacob (my clinician) just a little bit more than any of my other clinicians. Two weeks ago I went on my first weekend with my new dad. It was fun. We went out to eat for every meal, talked aboutour pool and our new jacuzzi. We went driving and by that I mean I drove! That's right I drove. It was way fun. here at Westridge I've made some friends. Well how are things back in D.C.? Do you miss me? I really can't wait to come back to D.C. with my parents so you guys can meet them. there really, really nice. my dad just adores me every time i call home he always wants to talk to me even if I can sometimes only say hi. Well how are the young women deanna, olivia, karis, and the rest of the young women? I really want to be able to talk to you guys on the phone or see you guys.

Katie and Scott. I heard you guys know one of the women who worked at Anasazi. her name is gina, ring a bell? She told me that she grew up with Katie and her cousin. that's pretty cool. She says that our cousin is getting married in a couple of weeks. I think she said that the wedding is going to be in Utah. I'm not quite sure but if it is in Utah you should come visit me and even if it isn't you should visist me anyway that would be way cool.

Well, I hope everything is OK there. Please write back.

Write, or maybe even see and talk to you later.

Sincerely,
Paulette (with hearts on either side of her name)

quick blurb about fRamily member

we owe yall an update. i even talked to jen today about posting some photos from her spring break vacation to disneyland. so hopefully soon we will all get back to our frequent blogging.

the brief story is this:
jennifer continues to flourish. she is the cutest young woman i can remember knowing. she is funny, bright, and kind. she is enjoying school and really loving being a big sister. she had her 12th birthday recently which was a smashing success.

paulette is kinda struggling at westridge. she has never been one for talk therapy and the school is kinda eh. so she is not loving it. though she has, of course, made lots of friends and seems to have fun. dave went up to visit recently and they had a wonderful time. we got the cutest call from her. it is an adjustment for sure. she seems to really be bonding with her new family so that is great.

but more later on all that....

as you will remember the girls went to stay with our friend dianna's family in august. below is a recent trailer to a documentary about becky, dianna's mom. surrogate mom to jen and paulette for a month. wonderful advocate and voice of reason and love to lindsay and i. it is a minute long. it will give you a glimpse into the amazing people that our in this fRamily.

reunited and it feels so good...plus admission to westridge

the first few moments of the reunion were awkward

but then really really fun

jennifer was so funny and cute. she looks really really great and is just oozing happiness. she asked us to listen to her play the piano (so awesome). she is often found snuck away reading books (chapter books) and scriptures. she has lost weight, her acne is all gone. she is like a new beautiful little young woman. she loves being a big sister. she is always on hand to take care of the little kids. she and alaina stay up late giggling. they don't fight. she is getting straight A's in school. she is amazing and we are very proud of her.

a final fRamily photo. my guess is this is the last time we will all be together while lindsay and i are legal their guardians.

paulette spent the night with jenn and her family. i was trying to give her a hug good-bye, she loved that. they had an awesome time. road quads, played games, giggled. i think they were relieved to get to hang out again.

paulette spent friday with jen. saturday morning paulette's new brother picked he up to go see meet the rest of her new family. they seemed to really have fun. paulette loves the idea of being an aunt (she will have 3 nieces). she is also really loving her new brother mike. he is in his mid-twenties and recently started dating one of paulette's favorite counselor from anasazi. she is super interested in this relationship, as evidenced by her calling them a few times on their first date.

we met dave, debbie, and paulette at the airport and flew to SLC. we went immediately to temple square. paulette was having a hard time being open. but then we watched the new joseph smith movie and she really opened up.

we met dave and debbie and their daughter-in-law and granddaughters at the roof restaurant.

waiting for dave and debbie. do we look hammered or what?

part of paulette's new clan
she is missing a bunch of brothers and a sister and another niece

grandpa dave. we love this picture

hoodlum redefined

we got up early sunday morning and heard the mormon tabernacle choir. this is us with mac wilberg, the choirs director.

paulette spent all of sunday with dave and debbie, while lindsay and i took SERIOUS naps. they feel even more in love with paulette, which made the next day even harder

this is lindsay getting pancakes made for us the morning paulette entered westridge. paulette really really really didn't want to go.

we had a very beautiful and sacred conversation with paulette. dave, debbie, lindsay and i all shared our hopes for paulette. we talked about the parable of the ten virgins and how for all of us, at some point, the course of our lives is ours to determine. for paulette that time is now. she can choose to use her time at westridge to get the help she so desperately needs or she can try and beat time again and end up right in the same place she started (which is what we feel happened at anasazi)

here we are getting ready to go to westridge

my camera ran out of battery, this is my only shot from westridge. we are not convinced that westridge will give her the help she needs but at least we are all a step closer. she really really wants to be back at dave and debbie's house, so at least there is a heck of a carrot.

this is shawn bradley who is the new vice principal of westridge's school taking us all on a tour of the campus. he recently retired from playing basketball in the NBA.

leaving her at westridge was pretty tough. we know she needs the help, and that this step is necessary. and dave and debbie feel the same way.

snowy, stinky reunions

sorry. we accidentally posted these pictures early. now, you can see what they all mean....

Here we are packing for the trip. You can tell we have no idea what's coming. We're smiling.

As you can see from the sign, this is the beginning of our "Making of a Walking."
(Anasazi lingo for moving forward, in a positive way, in life.)
We actually got quite a bit of mileage out of this one.

Stopping for a lunch break on our way to the trail,
Kimberly picked up some bananas and yogurt, Lindsay bought carrots and a ham sandwich. This mom picked up a hot dog, a slice of pizza and a cup o joe. You guessed it, she is from NYC.
We must have been nervous; this had us in stitches at the time.

Final D*: Bloody Basin, Tonto National Forest.
*Anasazi for the "final destination"

On the way to "final d", Kimberly asked our driver to pull over if we saw a bush or something so she could use le toilet. We looked up right then, and saw this glorious little number.
Keep in mind, we're on a dirt road, with no sign of civilization in sight.
We took this for a sign of good things to come.

Kimberly with Gina, of Anasazi Alumni Services. From the Army poncho you can see it's already raining, as it would do for three straight days.

the crew of parents and guardians
the baton started to pass
the hat ensembles are a bonus.

our hike to paulette.

it is safe to say that she smelled worse than she looks.

this is where paulette slept. she never figured out how to make shelters work, so she just did this

the making of a fire
anasazi doesn't believe in matches or lighters
all fire is made from "busting a coal" or "busting"

busting

tandem busting.

everything was wet so we would bust a coal but then
we couldn't blow it into flames because the tinder was too wet.

here, i'll do it

finally, a coal and some tinder. these are the hands of paulette and new dad dave.

almost there.
just so you know: this is an hour into being at paulette's camp

our tinder was too wet.
ezekial, co founder of anasazi,
came by and gave me some really good avice about body positioning
and all sorts of good stuff
we had busted out the bottom piece
so when he came we had 2 pieces of wood tied together
he gave us props for resourcefulness

Ezekiel left. we eventually used toilet paper to get the fire started.
then paulette made us dinner.
pizza
we had to "loveup" our sundried tomatoes and garlic
to "loveup" means to chew and then spit back into your food.
raw garlic BURNS

you can't see it, but there are ash cakes (aka pizza crust) in the ash.

the stuff in the cups is toppings.
onion, garlic, sundried tomatoes, water, powdered cheese

dale, the therapist. the making of a hero

i got too cold and went to my sleeping bag. this is lindsay and paulette by the fire late the first night. i think it was probably 9, but in the wild, 9 is late.

for some dumb reason we forgot to take a picture of where we slept. tate built us a shelter of a tarp. it was about 1-1.5feet off the ground. we had sleeping bags and army ponchos. we made a HUGE leaf bed that looked as though it would be nicer than my simmons beautyrest. unfortunately, leaves smash down to nothing. we were in a sandy creek bed, so it was really cold. the heated rock i placed in my sleeping bag got cold in the night.

my worst fear was that the fire would go out. it rained and snowed all night long. i kept waking up wigging out that the fire had gone out. it almost did but we resuscitated it.

the making of dirty clothes

the making of awesome hair and coolness

this is what our shadow calls "the making of a pissing me off"

things got a little rocky with the fRamily. reuniting was difficult and the transition from being with peers to being with guardians was hard on paulette. so lindsay and i went on a hike to get bit of a break.

the making of a pooping

the making of a feral paulette

vogue

kimberly and debbie
please, enjoy coka-cola in moderation
i learned the hard way

tate: our trail walker

sayonara tonto

cleaned but not shorn
goodbye firesmoke dreads

we aren't supposed to tell you

we woke up early this morning to get out on the trail. i have been dreading this because it is supposed to be really cold. but then i learned that it is supposed to rain today and tomorrow. cold, rainy camping. sleeping on the cold hard ground. i think there may be some divine justice in this... paulette at least is going to get us back...

paulette's response to us

Dear Kimberly and lindsay.

How are you? What are you doing?

I just got through talking to [my shadow] and reading my letter. I was really shocked when I read that I'm going to get adopted by the Anasazi nurse (Nurse Debbie). I really do think that she is the perfect mother for me. After reading the letters that her and her husband dave sent i decided that i am going to pray to see if she and dave really are the perfect family for me to live with.

[My shadow] told me to read the letter in front of him. I couldn't even finish your letter. i cried so so hard. After reading your letter i immediately went back up to the group to tell the other girls I had to have another young walker read the letter aloud to everyone who was there. i was really blown away. one of my trail walkers started to cry. i really now do believe in the power of fasting. Two days before i found out I fasted that I would find a family and then BAM it happened. I really do appreciate fasting.

It brought great joy to my heart to know that you guys were working hard to find a family for me and that hard work paid off.

you don't know how much crying I'm going to do at family camp next week.

i have tons of questions to ask about the school I'm going to and whats going to happen when I'm done with the school.

please write down all the information about the school and then give it to me at family camp.

love always,

paulette mason

(there are lots of hearts all over this letter)

Get a box of tissues.

Our only communication with Paulette comes through the weekly exchange of letters and, as you know if you've been following the blog, ours have been a little less than stellar.

This week, however, was different because we had big news to share. We asked Dave and Debbie to write letters to Paulette, to introduce themselves to her, and to share with her some of their feelings about inviting her into their home and family. They wrote beautiful letters—letters that made Kimberly and I tear up—and included some pictures that we will, hopefully, post on the blog soon. We also wrote Paulette a letter to tell her about the life-changing news.

The following account from Dave, who heard it from Nurse Debbie, who was up on the trail for her weekly check-ups when the mail arrived.

Before the letters were delivered, Paulette met with Nurse Debbie for her weekly physical exam. Afterward, Debbie asked Paulette some questions about herself, like what Paulette likes to do for fun. Paulette looked at her sideways. Debbie prompted her: "Do you like camping, outdoor things?" Paulette said she did, but that she was "kinda tired of it now." Debbie asked whether Paulette like music, and playing instruments, like the violin. (Before Anasazi, Paulette was first-chair violinist in her 6th grade orchestra). Paulette looked suspicious. She said "Yeah, but why are you asking?" Debbie said she was "just curious". A few more questions passed, including about piano lessons, and Debbie said good-bye to help the other kids.

At that point, Paulette received her first letter: the one from Kimberly and me. She sat down, opened it up, and started reading. A stunned look crossed her face, but there were no words. Then, as the letters from Dave and Debbie were delivered, she stood up and walked over to join the rest of her group. "I can't read them," she said. "I'm shaking. Can you read this letter for me?" The other girls, who are much older and have really taken a liking to Paulette, read her the letter aloud. All the girls were squealing and crying, telling Paulette "Congratulations!" Paulette just listened, taking it all in, and said she felt "so happy." When the girls said, "this is everything you said you wanted: you get to live with a Mormon family, and you get to be close to your sister!" She added, "I get to go to school in Utah!" (A lifelong dream of hers, and a reference to the time that she will spend at the Westridge Academy before moving in with Dave, Debbie, & co.).

After receiving the letters, Paulette visited with Debbie again, this time both of them knowing the big news. Paulette was fairly quiet, but asked questions. They talked about Dave and Debbie's family, their grandchildren, their home, what the family likes to do. They talked about the time Paulette would be in Utah (Dave and Debbie had been worried about how Paulette would respond to knowing she had a family, but not being able to live with them straight away. Fortunately, Paulette actually sounds excited about it for reasons noted above.) At good-bye, they hugged, and Paulette rejoined her group, where she spent the rest of the afternoon talking with the other youngwalkers, and trailwalkers, about how happy she was.

Of course, the talk of Paulette's big news dominated the day. At one point, all the girls were saying to Paulette: You get to be a sister! And have another sister! And have brothers! And you get to be an Aunt! (Paulette was pretty excited about that last one.) Someone asked Paulette what else she would be. She was quiet for a time, and then said "Well, I guess I'll be the baby of the family. I guess that will be okay." For Paulette—a little girl who took care of herself, her sister, and her mother from the time she was four years old—we think it will be precisely what she needs.

in answer to your questions

i keep getting emails with all these questions...hopefully this will help.

here is what follows:

lindsay and i leave on friday to go to AZ. we will have family camp starting monday. please note the weather: the nights will be brutal. i hate the cold! if paulette decides to become part of the nurse's family, mom and dad will join us on the trail for family camp. part of family camp will just be the fRamily, the nurse mom and dad will come and we will all camp together, then we will leave and paulette will have some time alone with her new parents. the whole thing is like 3-4 days.

then we will all go to dinner, hang out with jen, etc. on sunday we will go to Salt Lake City.

you may wonder why Salt Lake City? paulette is going to go to the westridge academy for about 18 months. it will piggy-back on the progress she has made at anasazi. it will provide time for paulette to get some help and a bridge for the new family. we don't know how long she will be there, but as soon as she is ready she will move back home to arizona and live with her new family.

the westridge academy has a school that is well regarded and a program that appears to have great success. she will wear a uniform all the time, which she won't love. but we all feel like this is an answer to prayer.


can you even beleive this? i wanted so desperately for a nice pretty bow to go around this experience, and it did! i am astounded and thankful!!!!!!!!! the truth is, there aren't the right words for these emotions.

arizona: the new dc

God has parted the red sea once again. this experience has been one heck of a spiritual experience; so much is difficult to record in this forum. we will do our best to keep sacred, sacred and private, private.

as the nurse at anasazi admitted paulette and gave the weight okay, she also felt compelled that there was more she could give paulette. paulette is a compelling personality, a joy to be around, and her story is tragic. these factors have led many to be interested in rescuing and helping this little girl. she kinda tried to brush it off, but that evening she shared paulette's story with her husband. he too felt like they had something to offer her; they could help. they both felt like paulette needed a family. one like theirs.

this is their story. i am going to leave it for them to tell, if they so desire. suffice it to say that last night they called to tell us that "paulette has a family." lindsay and i burst into tears of joy, that frankly haven't stopped. we can't believe it. but it is true.

a weight has been lifted. as our friend michelle told us: "you're done". there are not words in my language to describe how i feel or how i have felt. joy that does not begin to be able to be measured. i keep thinking about something c.s. lewis wrote in surprised by joy: "the pain then is part of the joy now, and the joy now is part of the pain then."

we so desperately wanted a happy ending to this story. and though the story is far from over, this crucial, pivotal chapter is and it feels wonderful. i try not to be overtly spiritual on this blog, but i just want to say, that this is nothing short of a miracle. that His hand made all of this happen. 4 years + ago lindsay and i were asked to be their mother's "visiting teachers" (a responsibility to ensure for her spiritual and temporal welfare). at that first encounter we both, without telling each other, felt like the girls were the real reason we had the calling. mom just didn't have much hope. but the girls were both so bright and promising. we had to do something.

it is like getting the star of david to shine the night Jesus is born. this stuff was set in motion so so long ago. and through much trial, error, longsuffering, patience, impatience, hand wringing, air punching, kneeling, begging, and an enormous increase in faith and knowledge about the nature of God, He made this miracle. probably so we could all know that He loves each one of us, and knows us as individuals. and that He has a plan for us. a precise, accurate, thorough plan that, in the end, if we trust will bring us joy.

lindsay woke up singing this song: fairytales can come true, they can happen to you. its true.

a quick letter to paulette

this is the last letter we will send to paulette before we tell her what her future will hold. we are both super stressed out. so much about this just is really really crazy. we feel bad putting this much pressure on paulette, we feel bad that there is this much pressure on the prospective family. and we are so afraid of what might happen. both lindsay and i have been sick the last couple of days and i am pretty sure it is stress and anxiety (or maybe the norwalk virus. so, hopefully something wonderful will happen. we went from baited breathe to not breathing.

you usually can only get one letter out to a young walker per week. they are making a special exception so that we can get this message to her.

Dear Paulette,
We just heard a great report from Stephanie. Sounds like you are doing well, and growing closer to your creator. People are making decisions about you right now that will affect the course of your life. Please fast and pray, and explain to Heavenly Father what you want. We know Heavenly Father loves you. In the time you have lived with us, we have seen His hand do miracles. He wants you to be happy, and He will answer your prayer. We love you.
Kimberly & Lindsay

i am pinging with jennifer. she is about as cute as they get. she gives me hope and so much joy. i hope that the same thing happens with paulette.

jennifer just wrote this to me. we were saying goodbye and her sister alaina asked me what bisous was, so i explained...this is seriously a tearjerker night.

yeah i knew that because you will always say that when i was living with you and that was a lot of fun living with you and limbo i loved that a lot and thanks 4 taking me in when my real mom coudent take care of me the right way that she was suppose to i wish that this never happened to my mom and my dad to because i really miss them both the next time you and limbo see her tell her that i love her and that i will always be her little baby girl and i miss how me you limbo and paulette would play rummiekub that was so much fun but some of the kids dont understand it very well

in respect to raisingdc

kimberly is beginning her solo blog to record l'année de l'amusement for generations to come. if you are interested in visiting her please stop by lannedeamusement.blogspot.com/
you will probably catch must of the raisingdc cast there. only we will be sillier and less stressed. please bless.

week 7 -- letter 3

Dear kimberly and lyndsay,

How are you? I am really sorry I didn't write to you last week, it is just that I was really upset about getting extended, But a couple of days ago I realized that you only wanted me to stay out here for acouple more weeks because you care about me and want me to learn all that I can out here. since I've been out here I have learned alot. I've learned to let people help me even more. I have also learned how to respoect and apreciate the things that you do for me. I have really learned that ther are better things that I could do with my life.

Thanks again for sending me out here.

anticipation

so we are still waiting for final words from everyone. we think a million good things are going to happen, but none of them are confirmed. we vacillate from being amazed at how all this good could happen and preparing ourselves for the tremendous let down that will follow bad news. bad news also means we have to figure out how to get her into a good foster care system (read: not dc) and that is horrible too.

the major cliff hanger is will this family, who is very interested in caring for paulette, decide it is the right thing to do. i could, and have, pointed out many reasons it will be hard. they seem to feel strongly, so all arrows point to yes, but still ... we are waiting.

then there is the "will the church pay for westridge" question. westridge is vital to what making any tranistion for paulette into a family successful. without it we would really be setting the family and paulette up for failure. paulette needs some help and getting it for her now will minimize tough teen years. also, it will provide the family with the opportunity to get to know paulette better via family therapy. therapy will also give them some skills to help paulette. but it is a sizable amount of money and the Church has already invested heavily in this kid. will they keep doing it? our stake president is convinced enough that it is a good idea, but ... we are waiting.

anticipation! part of me doesn't want the anticipation to end because if it does and it the news is bad i have to deal with bad reality. and good make believe is sometimes better than bad reality. but then it also feels like i am just prolonging the pain and i like to rip band-aids off fast.

then again, if the news is good, i want to CELEBRATE good times come on! and i think i will feel like a hero if this really works out. because if the best case scenario happens it is really really really really miraculous and crazy and just thinking about it gives me chills all over.

so fingers and toes and legs are crossed. prayers are more meaningful. and anticipation is keeping me waiting.

Update on Jen and a back story

Last night Bobbie and Jen called. They had a great holiday, minus one cornea surgery (on Jen's sister, Natalie--OUCH!) and one fairly upsetting conversation with Jennifer's biological family.

Two days before Christmas, Jen was feeling a bit homesick for DC, so she asked her mom (Bobbie) if she could call some of her friends here. She tried several friends from school and, unfortunately, no one was home. So Jen decided to call her older sister. For those of you who aren't aware, Jen and Paulette have a half sister who is in her early 30s. She's got a pretty remarkable story of her own that includes being abandoned by her mother (yes, that's Jen and Paulette's mom, too) at the tender age of 12. At the time, she was taken in by Sheila's sister and raised to adulthood. Today she holds down a good job and--a remarkable testament to the resilience of children--is a pretty impressive woman, someone Kimberly and I think we could be friends with. Although she did not have a relationship with either Paulette or Jennifer until very recently, she thought seriously about taking the girls when their mother became ill. Ultimately, she decided that she was in no position to take care of them, given that she was a single woman with a job that required her to travel a large portion of her time.

That was in May. Once the girls moved in with us, they tried for weeks to contact several of their extended family members--the sister among them--to no avail. No one returned their phone calls then and, to date, not one member of the girls' extended family has tried to make contact with either of them, or with us. It's tragic and, though we don't dwell on it, both girls know they have essentially been abandoned by their family.

Well, in August, Kimberly and I had reason to contact this older sister. Surprisingly, she returned our phone call. We had a long conversation with her, in which she described her own life story and the feelings of guilt she experienced because she was unable to take care of her half-sisters. That same day, she was able to even spend some time with Jennifer. They went to a movie, ate dinner in a restaurant, and bought a teddy bear for Jen. (At the time, Paulette was with her mother in the nursing home).

After that day, the sister essentially disappeared. We made no efforts to contact her, and she made none to contact us--or the girls. A month later, before Jennifer moved to Arizona, she was invited to come say goodbye. She professed wanting to come and told us she was planning on it. But when the time came, she didn't show. No one from the extended family showed. Jennifer had no word from her sister until, she (Jennifer) decided to call her sister on Christmas Eve's eve.

Again, surprisingly, her sister answered the phone. She explained to Jen that she saw their mother over Thanksgiving, and reported that her health was improving. She even said she thought that Sheila would be getting out of the nursing home sometime soon. Jen was floored--all previous reports, including from us--had indicated that her mother's health was, in fact, getting worse. (We later learned from Sheila's sister that her health was not getting better--just the opposite. She had been so ill, in fact, that she had been unable to feed herself, or even walk. ) Of course, Jen had no way of knowing the state of her mother's health while on the phone with her sister, since she had tried calling her mother faithfully every Sunday for weeks and had not been able to reach her. If that wasn't enough news for one phone call, Jen's sister then told her that if she (Jennifer) wanted to, she could come and live with her (the sister).

Of course this was upsetting to Jen. She got off the phone and told Bobbie about the conversation.

Of course this was upsetting to Bobbie. She immediately called Kimberly, hoping to find out the real state of Sheila's health, and to get some advice about how to the handle the situation. Wisely, Kimberly told her that she shouldn't get in the way of Jen and her sister. Jen would have a decision to make. Kimberly was confident that Jen would see that her life in Arizona would be more secure and healthy than the one promised to her with her sister. And, frankly, Kimberly had the sneaking suspicion--borne out by 8 months of experience taking care of the girls--that the older sister would probably never try to contact Jen again, for, in fact, she had never once tried to contact her in the first place. Kimberly was convinced that the sister felt massive guilt pangs that she was not in a position to take care of her sisters, and that this guilt is what had motivated to make the offer to Jen. However, she had her doubts about whether the offer was genuine, because she had made the same offer in August, and then had not followed through. Bobbie was somewhat comforted, and followed Kimberly's sound advice.

Bobbie gave Jen time and space to think about her sister's offer. After a couple of days, as Bobbie was tucking in Jen and her sister for bed, she asked Jennifer whether she had given any more thought to her sister's offer. Jennifer told Bobbie that she had thought a lot about it, and that she had even prayed about it. And that she had decided to stay put. She told Bobbie that she had the distinct feeling she was supposed to be a part of their family.

Although I can't imagine the emotions that Jennifer must have felt during this experience, I'm extremely proud of her for making a very difficult decision. And, while I was outraged by her sister's conversation, I feel for the sister, too. I am sure she feels a lot of guilt that she isn't in a position to take care of her sister. However, as someone who cares very deeply for Jennifer, I am confident that Jen couldn't be in a better place than where she is right now: with a loving family that wants her and takes excellent care of her. She is flourishing in Arizona--making friends and good grades, helping her family around the house, laughing and sometimes fighting with her siblings. We talk to her frequently, and she really sounds great. She reported to us in October that she reads her scriptures every day on her own, and when I talked to Bobbie last night, she said she can still find Jen in her room at bedtime, reading her Book of Mormon.

Jen loves checking email and loves instant messaging people, even more. Last night, when we were talking with her on speaker phone, she asked us to go get on our computers so we could "talk" to her. I know sometimes she's homesick, and appreciates contact with her old life. Any of you out there who know Jen, and who'd like to drop Jen a line, please let us know. We'd be happy to put you in touch.